We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
