At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
