party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't deserve a penis
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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