Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
