Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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