remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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