I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
