yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
