the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
