He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
