I am full of burrito and curiosity
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
