He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
