The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it penis luge time yet?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
