I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
