This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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