She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
