In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
