TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
