I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize