smell my finger.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
