I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
