her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
