i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
