just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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