I just pynch a tree in the face
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
