There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
