I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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