My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
