Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
