My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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