My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
