i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
