I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
