Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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