threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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