he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
