Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
