you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
