I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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