im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
