You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
