I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
