are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
