I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
