Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
