I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
