The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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