I'm gonna have a badass scar
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
