You can't motorboat a personality
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
