So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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