Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
