don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize