if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
