i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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