he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
