Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you win again, gameday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
