so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
