Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
