How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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