i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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