How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
