I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
