hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
