Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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