My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
