TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
