I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
