Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
