i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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