How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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